Sex in the young is fast and furious. But older people need
to grow in sexual sophistication and find new vistas of sexual satisfaction. Sex
can be expanded to a richer experience that will compensate for the deficits of
The message is clear: For willing learners who make
the effort, SEX for senior citizens can be better than ever!!!
ACCEPT THE CHANGES:
An older man can still be athletic, but he no longer
expects to break Olympic records. The sexual adjustment is really no different
from the overall adjustment that we all have to make to the fact that time has a
certain impact on our bodies.
With age, the circulatory flow lessens; the muscles relax.
Men have more difficulty attaining and maintaining an erection. Erections may be
softer and at a less upright angle. A little more time for stimulation may cure
A woman usually has reduced vaginal lubrication after
menopause, which may cause irritation during intercourse. Estrogen and/or the
use of lubricating gels can prevent this problem.
Changes in attractiveness such as weight gain, wrinkles,
loss of muscle tone, and physical disabilities often make arousal more
difficult. A change of focus from physical to mental and spiritual will help.
Also a longer period devoted to a prelude of lovemaking and loving words helps.
CHANGE THE ROUTINE:
When the children are gone and the couple is alone in the
home, why must sex be postponed until the eleventh hour of the night. Why not
early mornings? Why not weekend afternoons?
Innovations - for some, sex in a different surrounding is
stimulating and highly desirable. Why not read a good book on techniques and
positions and try some. We recommend Fundamentals of Human Sexuality by Dr. Herant Katchadourian.
Fantasy--making up stories costs nothing if it doesn't
disrupt the relationship. If the partner perceives the fantasy as a hidden
wish - today you talk about it, tomorrow you do it - it can become threatening and
unacceptable. But if a fantasy helps, use it.
Change roles - If the man has always been the sexual
aggressor, try a shift in roles. The goal is to please each other; talk it over
and make your plans.
Is pleasing each other!!!
USE IT OR LOSE IT:
The most important factor in keeping sexually active is
keeping sexually active. You do this by doing it. If we stop eating, the desire
for food may go away; it will come back when we start eating, whether we like it
Keep the body in the best shape possible. Good nutritious
food and physical exercise - whether you feel like it or not--will keep the
Keep your mind alert and well. Read and study on a regular
basis and report to someone what you have read; it will keep your mind in good
Maintain your habits of worship and do things for other
people. When my wife's mother was 92 years old she opened a thrift shop to
sell things to help the old folks. Helping people is a key, believe it or not,
to a fulfilling sex life in the elderly.
THE BOTTOM LINE:
Sexual preference is as variable as culture and food
habits. One man's poison is another man's food. The bottom-line suggestion is to
please each other. If you are not pleasing each other, then talk about sex, read
and study it, take some counsel from a licensed sex therapist, adapt and change
a little until both partners are pleased. Sometimes a partner complains about
the other person as an excuse to find another contact. Don't let this
happen - take care of each other's needs.