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1. I want to stay in my house but my kids don't think
I should live alone and keep nagging me to move. What do you think?
Whether it is wise to stay in your house depends on many issues, which
can be boiled down to two--fear and loneliness. Is your present arrangement
safe? Are you getting enough social contact with other people? Things to
consider:
A - Is your house hazardous? Are there stairs to fall down or rugs to trip
over? Have you had accidents at home? Can your home be made safer?
B - How much of the house do you actually use? Are you camping out in the
dining room because you can't get upstairs?
C - Are you eating properly? Is getting food a problem?
D - Are you able to get whatever help you need?
E - Do you see other people almost every day?
F - Are you scared?
2. I have to move out of my house, but I don't want to
move into an old folks home. What are my options?
Your options depend on what you want to do and what physical shape you're
in. If you are fit, you might like a community in the sun belt or an
apartment. Both these options would relieve you of many of the burdens of
home ownership (like mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow) and would make
you less isolated. If you don't want any of the burdens of running a house
and are able to live independently, consider a Continuing Care Retirement
Community. If you're not independent, try an Assisted Living Facility.
3. What will happen if we move to a golf community in
the sun belt and then one of us gets sick or dies?
You will probably have to move. Golf communities (formally known as Adult
Recreational Communities) are set up to meet the needs of active, healthy
people. They don't have facilities for people who are sick and in need of
nursing or other assistance. If you are not well or your golf (and life)
partner has just died, you will probably be left out of mainstream
activities. If your problem is temporary, things will work out, but if your
illness is permanent, your life will never be the same again. It's time to
move on. Be glad it worked for a while and move towards other good choices
which will better meet your new needs.
4. What should I be concerned about when I buy a home in
a golf community?
This may be the first time you have ever bought a home in which other
people will have important rights. There are several things to which you
should pay close attention:
i - If the developer is still involved in the community, is he fiscally
sound? If he is not, what will happen to the community if he runs into
problems?
ii - What are the plans for future development of the community? Who is
going to pay for development?
iii - What will you get for your money, in addition to the house? Can you
use the golf course or do you have to join a club?
iv - When you decide to sell, will you find the community is full of unsold
units?
5. I've heard some retirement communities take all your
money in exchange for the right to live there. What are they?
They are the figment of someone's imagination! Continuing Care or Life
Care Communities (which are the kind of housing saddled with this rumor) are
places for people who intend to spend the rest of their lives there. To get
in you must be able to live independently. Once you're in, however, they
will cope with whatever happens to you. The financial arrangements vary, but
all have a monthly fee and require some money up front. Whether you ever get
part of your up-front payment back and what the monthly fee covers also
varies. None of them ever take all your money--if they did only people with
no money would go there.
6. Is living with the children ever a good idea?
Living with the children can be a great idea if you like each other and
you each have something of value to give to the other. Before you do it, be
sure everyone has the same understanding about the ground rules and the
arrangements. Remember, it may not last forever--people's needs change over
time--so don't get your lives, especially your financial lives, so
intertwined that they can't be separated.
7. My mother needs a lot of help. Should she continue to
live in her own house, or move into mine and hire helpers?
I am not a big fan of keeping people at home with lots of help. I have
two concerns--first, your mother will probably be quite isolated, especially
if you don't have a lot of time to spend with her. Then, if she needs a lot
of help you will have an ongoing management problem to deal with. Helpers,
being human, sometimes don't show up. What will happen then? Will you be
able to pick up the slack or scurry around looking for pinch-hitters? You
both might be better off finding an Assisted Living Facility nearby, where
your mother will get all the help she needs with no loss of independence.
8. What is an Assisted Living Facility?
Assisted Living Facilities, the newest form of senior housing, are the
"just in time" and "just enough" solution. In addition to your own
apartment, these facilities provide three meals a day, maid and laundry
service, and help with daily living activities (bathing, dressing, etc.).
They do not require or expect residents to live independently but believe
once residents have received the help they need, they should be free to go
on about their business. They generally cater to an older, frailer
population than do other forms of senior housing. Often, these are the
places keeping people out of nursing homes.
9. What about nursing homes?
Nursing homes are not really a form of senior housing at all--they are
places which give you a bed to sleep in and deliver a lot of expert,
labor-intensive services (why they cost so much). Nursing homes are the only
places which have a high enough staff-to-resident ratio so that they can
physically get people out of bed in case of a fire. Nursing homes are only
appropriate places for people who are really sick and need full-time nursing
or who can't get out of bed by themselves. Otherwise, most people are better
off in Assisted Living Facilities which are much nicer and much less
expensive.
10. When do I have to start making decisions?
You can make decisions whenever you want to--you needn't do anything
until what you have stops working. There is one exception: Continuing Care
or Life Care Communities often have waiting lists and require you to be able
to live on your own initially. Therefore, the smart thing to do is to get on
a few waiting lists. When you are offered a place, you can always turn it
down. Remember, you must be able to live independently when you move in, so
don't put it off too long.
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